okay pat passed out under dana's car
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
