I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
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