1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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