dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
