So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
