A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Randomize
