He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
