I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
