Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
