Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i wish my penis had a tongue
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
as a side note pls kill me
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
