Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
