Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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