Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
