Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
