well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
