actually, I'm a sock model
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
