This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Randomize
