I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
