Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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