i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
