I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
