What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I love you.
Bad choice
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
