So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
