either way he was missing a nipple.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
It's shark week go big or go home
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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