I like my sex mixed with concussions.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
