i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
