I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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