last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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