Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
