Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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