2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
time to smoke my breakfast
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize