My brain says no but my pants say off.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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