You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
