I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
