Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
