Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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