i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
