we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
