Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
This is classic penis vs brain.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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