I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Randomize
