idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Randomize
