stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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