So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
