hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
