The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
