You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
He felt like a one man threesome
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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