Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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