Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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