I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
