i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Randomize
