I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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