There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
