Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
