I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
