She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
