I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I have aggressive nipples.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
