So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
