I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
my shit smells like andre
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
