goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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