I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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