I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
