I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
