i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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