I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
