Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
