Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
