Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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