I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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