i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Drunk is not a location!
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
