Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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