Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
