Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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