she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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