sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
