the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
