woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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