you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
