ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
