my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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