I wish i was in the wii world.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
