Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize