As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
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