You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Come share oat with me in your robe
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
