I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
