And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
