at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
