Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i will never coherently bang her
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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