I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
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